Happy Birthday Jesus

he is, after all
responsible

the wretchedness
known as Christmas
is nearly over

oh sure
presents and food
what could be better?

yes, what could be better
than no parking places
sales items you're never
fortunate enough to get in time
long lines
and people who you didn't buy for
saying "I got you something!"

WHY DID YOU DO THAT??
THATS NOT PART OF THE PLAN!

Well, I can think of lots of things
far better than that

colonics, for one
brain freeze, perhaps?
indigestion
the 80s game show WHAMMY
running out of wiper fluid
on the day after a snowstorm
after you've just passed a tractor trailer
who sprayed salty road shit
all over your windshield

yes folks, these are all things
a lot nicer than Christmas.

I find it hard enough
to find someone ONE gift.
thank god I'm not Jewish.
SEVEN??!!??

OY!

Mamaloshen!

The Jews have it good this year though,
lets face it

Hanukkah being later means
SALE ITEMS.

coupled with of course,
b/c we must be fair -

long lines
people exchanging
returning
frenzies
people fighting over the last
50% off stockings and christmas lights

well, it's only fair!
They may be the chosen people
but that is not an exemption
from mall madness.