Dear Bit-Bit
One could say you have it hard. I mean, you live with Americas Pop Princess and her babys daddy. You have a shit-for-piss name and you're not that attractive. You are paraded around the country in god awful clothes and wretched Louis Vuitton handbag hotels. You are constantly in the public eye. Every terd you leave could possibly end up on the cover of US Weekly. You're barely 5 months old and you're already more famous than Liz Taylor's Sugar. Tinkerbell, who?
You have been the it-dog for months now. I saw you on Rodeo Drive, Madison Avenue, 5th Avenue, Wilshire, Sunset, Miami, Las Vegas, Boston. You are constantly exposed to temperature changes which is never good for our thin skin. I know, I'm from Northeastern Pennsylvania.
Now that bitch of yours went and got knocked up. She's carrying a Federletus in her womb. Where were you Bit Bit? You could have bit bit it off before he stuck it in her. You had your chance. I'm sure she keeps you in the room before, during, AND after. You blew it Bit Bit. You best enjoy these next 9 months of publicity, child. Once the Princess pops out the pea, you're finished. Washed up. You'll become Tinkerbell. At least Tinkerbell has a great "Where Are They Now?" - kidnapped, survived the cell phone scandal, barely escaped One Night in Paris (though if you look close enough, you can see her tail about 27 minutes into it). Thats a story Bit Bit.
You need to act fast. And for christ sakes do something other than just stare all day long. You do realize the press does not have a picture of you standing on your own feet yet, don't you? Bite the bitch, make her drop you. I guarantee it'll make the cover of People. "Pregnant Brit drops the Bit". Other dogs are talking and I won't tell you what they're saying. They're saying you're a paraplegic Bit Bit. And a bad dresser.
Make us proud in these next 9 months. Sleep around with every animal in Malibu. Become a slut, it's never too young. Make a ruckus before that child comes along, b/c then it's through. You'll be no more. She'll probably gas you or drown you. Go on Larry King. Start talking trash about the kid before it's born. Tell how the kid will be born with a bandana on its head and a dice tatoo on it's ass cheek. Do something.
I don't want to scare you Bit Bit. Trust me, I'm here for you. I think you ugly, but I'm here for you girl. Even though you're useless and pathetic.
Yours Truly
-Saffy.
You have been the it-dog for months now. I saw you on Rodeo Drive, Madison Avenue, 5th Avenue, Wilshire, Sunset, Miami, Las Vegas, Boston. You are constantly exposed to temperature changes which is never good for our thin skin. I know, I'm from Northeastern Pennsylvania.
Now that bitch of yours went and got knocked up. She's carrying a Federletus in her womb. Where were you Bit Bit? You could have bit bit it off before he stuck it in her. You had your chance. I'm sure she keeps you in the room before, during, AND after. You blew it Bit Bit. You best enjoy these next 9 months of publicity, child. Once the Princess pops out the pea, you're finished. Washed up. You'll become Tinkerbell. At least Tinkerbell has a great "Where Are They Now?" - kidnapped, survived the cell phone scandal, barely escaped One Night in Paris (though if you look close enough, you can see her tail about 27 minutes into it). Thats a story Bit Bit.
You need to act fast. And for christ sakes do something other than just stare all day long. You do realize the press does not have a picture of you standing on your own feet yet, don't you? Bite the bitch, make her drop you. I guarantee it'll make the cover of People. "Pregnant Brit drops the Bit". Other dogs are talking and I won't tell you what they're saying. They're saying you're a paraplegic Bit Bit. And a bad dresser.
Make us proud in these next 9 months. Sleep around with every animal in Malibu. Become a slut, it's never too young. Make a ruckus before that child comes along, b/c then it's through. You'll be no more. She'll probably gas you or drown you. Go on Larry King. Start talking trash about the kid before it's born. Tell how the kid will be born with a bandana on its head and a dice tatoo on it's ass cheek. Do something.
I don't want to scare you Bit Bit. Trust me, I'm here for you. I think you ugly, but I'm here for you girl. Even though you're useless and pathetic.
Yours Truly
-Saffy.
posted by Mark at 20:56
1 Comments:
hey sweetie i <3 you!
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