From Adam

email received Monday morning from friend Adam at Penn State.

"I like the whole idea of Easter in theory, but not in practice. It's all commercialized now. And I'm agnostic so I don't believe that there's any way to know for sure if Jesus was the son of God and really resurrected from the dead. But I still like the food."

Amen Adam.

blog fodder

IM Conversation - 9:52 Sunday Evening:

calm conviction: omg

calm conviction: sorry i was nosey and read you blog

BuyABenz: well, I did give you the address

calm conviction: so... where does the b come from mark?

BuyABenz: I have absolutely no idea

calm conviction: haha let me fill you in

BuyABenz: yes well, before you do:

calm conviction: ...

BuyABenz: let me just say that anything you say can and may be fodder for blogging

BuyABenz: now, please, continue

calm conviction: way back when it was called a Web Log... since then its been shortened to blog

BuyABenz: well thats dumb

calm conviction: and e-log isnt?

calm conviction: hahaha

BuyABenz: elog makes sense!

*hop*

Kelly paid attention in Calculus class. Her signature is not as good as mine. Now, don't think I'm knocking Kelly, she'll admit it. Kelly is good at Calculus and I'm not. But frankly, I'm a lot prouder of my signature then I'd ever be of Calculus.

Hey, Happy Easter, Kids.

So while getting a CAT scan on Friday - because you know me, I love me some Radiology. Anyway, the point is, while at registration, well no, before I tell you that let me just say that I forgot to wear underwear on this little adventure. I was in a hurry, now! Come On! Well, you know there is no Emily Post book on CAT Scan ettiquette. So I get there and she told me what to remove and what I could leave on. Well, needless to say that she must now think I'm an exhibitionist cause I didn't leave anything on. There were no designer duds under that gown, let me tell you.

Christ, where were we? Oh I said Christ on Easter. God damnit! Oh shit. I said God damnit on Easter. Motherfucker! Oh lord I said moth....wait thats not religious. I think I'm fine with that one.

CAT Scan, thats right. Anyway, I was at Registration. Which I think is just a ploy to let as many people in on your ailments as possible. So about 3 months ago I had Gram at registration for an xray and Gram tells everyone she meets everything about me. She holds nothing back. "Oh, he sings, he was in Pharmacy school, he does the sets for the school, he used to sing in the choir, hes a Pisces. He used to do Math-a-Thon in 2nd grade. He would never date a Virgo. He hates hamsters." Nothing is sacred to this woman. And sometimes I'm positive she makes some of it up. So she mentioned that I sang. Which, as you know, is entirely made up. The girl at the registration desk just happened to run the performances for Race for the Cure in the area. Needless to say, I am now singing at Race for the Cure. This, after just finding out 3 hours ago what exactly we're trying to cure with this race. I had no idea. Smallpox? Hangnails? Breast Cancer, as it turns out so thats fabulous, and a great cause. I won't be racing, let me assure you. I don't have the shoes for it. But I'll be singing for the cure. Cause we all have to do our part.

So back to Friday at Registration. So I didn't get this girl when I was registering but she saw me and came over and said you know "I've been meaning to call you, blah blah blah, I wanted to tell you blah blah blah." So she tells me the dates which are....I forget, let me go look at the calendar. Ok, June 17th and 18th. So I have like an hour to fill. On just one day, which I haven't decided on the day.

So it will be me. Little Broadway Standards, Jazzy ballads, revamped top 40 me. Along with 40 pound head and Jack Slam and the Shim Sham Charlottes or whatever the hell there name is. I don't know but everyone is drastically different than me. So now I need to figure out what my target audience is. Probably 20 something athletes. Fuck. They probably don't know what the hell a Skylark is, let alone that it's a song. So this is going to take some effort on my part to find a repetoire of fabulous ageless little ditties. Think I can Jazz up Eminem's Mockingbird??

Come to think of it, what is a Skylark?

So I beseach you to post comments on what I should sing. If you have any ideas. Something that Mark Lehnowsky can rearrange for me in a new style. He doesn't know it yet. Of course he'll be in South Africa at the time we're going to race for the cure. Doesn't that just break your fucking heart right there? How many of you slightly wish he gets chased by a herd of psychotic malnourished wildebeests while there? *raises his hand* Oh come on, I know I'm not the only one!

OOH! Hey, while we're posting our thoughts, let's help Hickman find a tatoo design. Post that too. Don't you love how interactive this blog is getting? Shit!

I told him to get something pierced instead. He didn't like that idea.

I always said if I got a tatoo it would be a chinese symbol, b/c we all know I'm soo Chinese. But I hear all these horror stories of people getting a chinese symbol tatoo that they think says "Fertility" or "Obedience" or "Purity" but really translates to: Golfcart or horseradish or something. That would be my luck.

I'd probably get "Fabulous" tatooed across my ass. Lord knows it'd fit. No, I'd probably get a shamrock tatooed somewhere. Except now that I know that Derek Derek Derek has one on his hipbone Lauren, I guess I can't get it there, can I?

So to end this kids, let me just say: I think the tatoo should be, of course, a basketball with "I Love the Globetrotters" written in Times New Roman.

Goodnight.

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Hello Campers.

Every holiday gets less and less special with every passing year. Anyone notice that? Is it our slow weaning off of chocolate filled easter baskets and loads of presents under the Christmas tree? Or is that all still there an we're just getting to be different people? A little bit of both perhaps??

So tomorrows Easter. Grandpop is still in the hospital and won't be coming home. Gram is still in the hospital and will be coming home for the day. My brother and his family are coming over and we're going to have a lite fare this year, no big spread. Whatever.

So who hates snow? Wednesday was a wretched horrible day for me, I got stranded in Dallas after nearly getting stranded in Lehman. I don't know anyone in Lehman so I had to spend the night at my cousins house. At one point I was stuck between 2 bus accidents , in between 2 hills at the very bottom. In my little car which I thought would never make it but shes a trooper let me tell you. I got very brave at one point and said Fuck this and pulled myself out of the now stopped line of vehicles and went full force up this 1/4 mile hill fishtailing the whole way, passing stopped four wheel drives and people standing there with thier mouths agape watching as I made it all the way up the hill to safety. If anyone thought I was giving up in Lehman they are mistaking. Never would I give up in Lehman. I gave up in Dallas instead.

So now that snow is all gone. Good.

Grease! Two more weeks to go and honestly, I must say, I'm getitng excited now. If Lauren stays home this week like shes talking about, she doesn't know it yet, but shes painting with me. I hope some of you can come in for it, It should be a decent show and my set, well, I won't brag, but it's my best ever. It's also my last. It's my swan song from Northwest if you will. It's time to move on. Fun while it lasted, 4 great years, 8 great shows, but c'est la vie. And yours truly put a full sized vintage automobile onstage. Oh yeah. Ain't no way I was makin a car out of cardboard. Mark knows my motto - why make it when you can use it. So come out and see that.

Michael Jackson was late again for court this week. What a surprise. Thats what you get for having a kid set your alarm clock.

And this whole Schiavo thing is utterly appalling. To condemn an innocent life to die by such brutal means is atrociously inhumane and frankly, I never thought I'd live to see the day where such an act would be committed in this country. Russia maybe. Rwanda, oh yeah. But not here. Disgraceful. And Kanjorksi voted to pull the tube. Asshole.

Of course Rush Limbaugh blamed this one entirely on the democrats as well. Surprise Surprise. We're responsible for everything don't you know! He claims whenever we have the chance to vote on the side of life, we go the other way. Whatever. Asshole.

Britney wasn't allowed to eat at a posh Beverly Hills eatery b/c she had Bit Bit with her. For those of you not in the loop, this is her new Chihuahua. So they wouldn't let her in until Bit Bit went Bye Bye. Whatever.

And I'm sick and tired of opening a magazine only to find page after page of photgraphs of celebrities filling up their gas tank and celebrities using a pay phone and celebrities walking their dogs and celebrities walking out of a colonic parlor and celebrities shopping at Kitson and celebrities pissing on the side of the road and celebrities getting their tongues pierced and celebrities getting fisted. I'm fucking sick of it. I don't care. It's not some hideous secret we all need to be let in on. "Stars: They're just like us" No shit. Frankly, I'd be a little upset if some of them didn't get fisted. But I still don't need to hear all about it. I don't care who eats where, who shops where, who was caught buying condoms and who is reportedly pregnant. NO MORE! Don't buy the magazines, the magazines are crap.

Buy VOGUE, or GQ, or ELLE.

or High Times.

a red cane

I got her a cane
it was red
her favorite color

she wants a red car
always has
and all of her cars
have always been grey

its his fault
he always picked them out
but how could she?
she couldn't
complain

the most gentle
kind
caring
man

one day
I'll strike it rich
and if shes still here
she'll get her red car

and a chauffeur

and if shes not
life will go on
and so will I too
someday

and I will buy
myself
a red car
for her

now she says
the cane is nice
but maybe one
that has a sturdier bottom
would be better

but the cane
with the sturdier bottom
does not
come in
red

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The phone rang. Would I be able to be in the ensemble of "Chess". No.

That Paragraph thing - I thought I fixed that!

My Nephew had a birthday party yesterday. Family only. Thats 2 different families mind you. His and Hers. Rose was there. Thank you Rose. In my eyes, you've crossed into my family.

Speaking of the party. Last year my name was on the cake. This year it was not. But the cake was really good.

I'm watching Donnie Darko. Thats some fucked up shit. The Lady with the hair! Someone give her a line. Dr. Carter and Charlie's Angel.

"All around me are familiar faces....something something" Who wrote that song? "Mad world" is it? Adam, Ryan help me out. I know we played that at USP.

Maggie Gyllenhall just gave the worst face in the world. Whoa! What just happened in this movie? The mom is smoking a cigarette near a tree. Whats her name in real life??

Ok, I get it now. Well that's just plain brilliant right there. shit. Written and Directed by Richard Kelly. Hmm. what else has he done? Lauren?

Drew was in it for more than 2 minutes though Lauren. Worth it though just for her screaming "Fuck!" in front of the portly asian girl.

All of the people that were hardly in the movie get credited on the cover just because they're big stars. Who played the old lady with the hair? Her name is probably on the cover too. I'm sure she was interviewed by Conan when this movie was coming out. I bet no one interviewed Maggie Gyllenhall. Ever.

Jake Gyllenhall is hot. Lauren disagrees. Quiet you! I made you pasta! You told me you'd remind me to take the cheese yet you did not.

OOOh, here we go. They're listing the songs now in the creditS. Adam and Ryan, I may not need you...wait for it...scrolling...Mad World! By Roland Orzabal. Roland Orzabal. Is this a joke? If thats his name I refuse to download that!

I meant to make a post on St. Patricks day. I didn't. It's my favorite holiday. This year I wore blue and white stripes. If I've let you down not even a week into blogging, I appologize. I've failed you for a few days but now I am back.

Grease! Will you just happen already? Fuck.

Teen Angel. Hmmm.

Getting flashbacks of the dousing with glitter backstage before he went on. Kevin. White wig. Oh Lawd!

Oh where oh where has my best friend gotten too? I guess he didn't come home this weekend like he said he was going too. Could have been fun. You, Me, Lauren, Movies. Not Closer. Oh god. Not Closer. Are you coming home for Easter? Let me guess, you're in Albania that weekend. I hear its nice around Easter over there. In Albania. Or is that ROmania? Oh well, it's one of the "-anias". have fun. Call me.

Michelle and I are designing her master bedroom. And then tweaking her dining room. So much fun!! Exciting!! Purple Velvet upholstered bench.

Sorry Michelle, can't work your favorite throw pillow into the mix. It is nice though! Have my brother build you another room onto the house so we can design a room for the pillow! He'll understand.

Jamie from the Art Institute, I love you. You're fabulous. And punctual!

Lauren, my little Miss, with the art deco hair that I love. *taps* "Everything today is tho.." Sorry for last night. Should have called. But you know the love is there.

Jimmie, you wonderful man, hope you got to go up for me and thank people. Hope it was thrilling. Did I win?

He would have called by now, right??

Second Sunday in a ROW that I am up by 10. Fuck!

Rush Limbaugh

Now, occasionally - I listen to talk Radio. Well, at least 3 times a week for 8 hours a day but the point is, I find myself enjoying it. Putting people on hold to hear the rest of a sentence, you know. Now yesterday I listened from 9am till 5pm. The day on WILK starts with a girl from 9-11. I forget her name. She's kick ass, let me tell you. But in my opinion, she must already be wealthy b/c she only works 2 hours a day. Up until Rush Limbaugh comes on from 11-3. Now, Rush Limbaugh is an asshole. He's more republican than Dick Cheney. Now, I have never said this before, but let me clarify - I don't hate you b/c you're Republican, and I promise this blog will not make a point of being political, but this aggravated me and, well - it's my blog.

There is not a move that Bush can make without Rush praising it. It's absolutely ridiculous. I hate Rush Limbaugh.

So I got shit to do, I'll be back later.

Love ya!!

PS: Look! Paragraphs!!!

what does the b stand for?

Blog. Shouldn't it be e-log? This had to start from a Typo. I blame Joan Rivers. Just cause. So this first post will look like one long paragraph b/c I can't figure out how to go to the next line. I hit enter and I don't know where I go, but it's not where I should be. Hey, It's my Birthday. I am sitting at my desk, watching Michael Buble on DVD. Hes hot. This morning the one thing I wanted for my birthday was to sleep in. And this morning was the first time in a year that I could not physically sleep in. I was up at 6:30. And trust me, it's not because it's My birthday. Did you know it was my birthday before you came here? Do you feel better now that you know? Oh thank god. I'm so pleased. Happy Birthday. Its very breezy out. For those of you just joining me, I'm in my 5th paragraph now. I feel like everytime I blog/elog I should have a motive. I really don't have a motive this morning, I appologize. The only thing of note that you should get from this post is that it is, in fact, my birthday. Paragraph 8: I promised myself a long time ago, or was it a few weeks ago, I don't know - the point is I said "Lauren, "NEVER WILL I BLOG". How trendy, right? Who blogs? Raise your hands. Well, it's my birt- did I tell you it was my birthday? Anyway, its my birthday and if I wanna e-blog I'm gonna. Paragraph 14: Lauren tried to get me hooked on myspace.com which is essentially a glorified blog spot. It was tragic, the whole experience. I do not recommend it unless you really have a sense of how the world works b/c the both of us couldn't figure out how the fuck you use it. Michael is singing "Fever" now. Mmmm. So, who got me what for ym birthday? Oh, I'm sorry, we're in paragraph 22 now, so you can follow along. Sorry if I lost ya for a moment. Soooooo, what else? I feel like I should tell things about me, like fav. colors and shit. But you should know all that already. Just like you knew it was my Birthday today, Kelly. You darling. With the IM saying "Happy Birthday". Thanks. PS, I'll be accepting the Happy Birthday IM for a few more days now. I've decided to have a Birthday like Oprah - so don't worry, I'm celebrating for a week, keep the eCards coming. And for those of you who are like "get off the birthday already" - muthafuckas! - just cause ya'll didn't celebrate for a week is not my problem. Bad planning on your part does not make for an emergency on mine. Does that apply? I don't know. I just love that saying cause it's the truth. So this was fun. Very zen. healing. saying what comes to mind. Oh god, sentences have passed and no one knows where we are. Paragraph 52. Anyway, where was I? Zen? no. Healing? no. Birthday? Why Not. It's my birthday -FYI. Oh, It's nice to be able to just say the first thing that comes into your mind. Noodles. Cat Stevens. Salt Lake City. Wow, I feel better already.