Happy New Year

I'll probably be in bed
before midnight

oh well

whatever

I accidentally
just deleted
half of my buddy list

oh well

whatever

I'm listening to Singin' In The Rain
nonstop

good times

snowed today
really hard
cancelled my afternoon

"Broadway Rhythm
Its got me
everybody dance!"

I watched The Birdcage today
never fails
I never stop laughing

"Don't kill the doctors -
they're just doing their job
I say kill the mothers!
the babies are going to be aborted anyway
why not let them go down with the ship!"

TJMaxx and Marshalls
have been very good to me
and to my future apartment

I can't get a hold of Mikhail
he's my roomate

but he's also from India
Mumbai, actually
thats what you would call Bombay
if you lived in India

Mumbai
I thought it was a different city altogether

no

silly American fool

Mumbai is Indian for Bombay!
don't you know ANYTHING?

I keep trying his cell phone
but I think he turned it off
because he's in India over break

I figured
"well - maybe there's a T-Mobile in Mumbai!"

no

silly American Fool

Anyone want to come over
and help me finish cleaning my room?

it's a perfect example
of a complete disaster area

can't find anything.

Scent of the Day: Coriolan by Guerlain

4.0

So I finally checked my grades
everyone's been bugging me

I sort of already knew them
but they weren't verified

It feels weird
I've never gotten straight As

certainly not in High School
now here I am in College

which is supposed to be harder
isn't it?

It's really rewarding
not so much the grades

but the feeling of knowing
you made the right re-decision

If I were still at USP
I would have commited by now.

Fragrance of the Day: Marc Jacobs for Men

oh please.

Some things
are better left unsaid

elaboration
does not necessarily
yield
concern or pity

ok, that said
lets switch gears

I saw The Color Purple
Wednesday

absolutely brilliant
stunningly beautiful

definitely in my top 5.
I recently made a list
of all of the shows I've seen
on Broadway

64.

Color Purple
is high on my top 5.

Today was progressive
I found 2 fragrances I needed
discounted!!
and skin products
and a new Iron
and a tray for my fragrances

getting ready to move
into my apartment

can't wait
lots of stress
I want it to look fantastic
and it will

but can I afford it?
no.
not really.

but I'll make do.

sad when you have to work 3 days
just to afford a fucking throw rug.

Scent of the Day: BVLGARI The vert au parfumee

100

For my 100th post
I can't think of a better occasion

tonight was marvelous

Liz
Nicole
Mark
Mike
Kevin
and Mr. Lehnowsky

laughing

storytelling

reminiscing

and King Kong too!!

ya got ta have friends
the feeling's oh so strong.

Kelly, we missed you terribly.
We love you immensely!

And thank you all
for giving me a reason
to actually make 100 posts
if people didn't actually read this shit
I would have quit a long time ago

but I really enjoy this.

Scent of the Day: Bois du Portugal by CREED

lucky

tonight
I almost died.

chinese food
broccoli

caught in the windpipe

very very scary

lodged right on in there
wouldn't budge

yep
couldn't breathe

I sort of self-heimliched myself

I felt a little bit
like Mama Cass

It righted itself
but now my throat hurts
like it was stretched out
not like a sore throat hurt
more like someone drove a buick
right on through

Happy Birthday Jesus

he is, after all
responsible

the wretchedness
known as Christmas
is nearly over

oh sure
presents and food
what could be better?

yes, what could be better
than no parking places
sales items you're never
fortunate enough to get in time
long lines
and people who you didn't buy for
saying "I got you something!"

WHY DID YOU DO THAT??
THATS NOT PART OF THE PLAN!

Well, I can think of lots of things
far better than that

colonics, for one
brain freeze, perhaps?
indigestion
the 80s game show WHAMMY
running out of wiper fluid
on the day after a snowstorm
after you've just passed a tractor trailer
who sprayed salty road shit
all over your windshield

yes folks, these are all things
a lot nicer than Christmas.

I find it hard enough
to find someone ONE gift.
thank god I'm not Jewish.
SEVEN??!!??

OY!

Mamaloshen!

The Jews have it good this year though,
lets face it

Hanukkah being later means
SALE ITEMS.

coupled with of course,
b/c we must be fair -

long lines
people exchanging
returning
frenzies
people fighting over the last
50% off stockings and christmas lights

well, it's only fair!
They may be the chosen people
but that is not an exemption
from mall madness.

Merry Merry

Merry Christmas everybody

house is full
all abuzz

I am wearing
a fantastic outfit

and Amouage Dia
direct from the Arabian Coast
it smells fantastic
and is the best stuff I own

Its the big guns
that I reserve for the big days
today is a big day

I hope you have a ball too

and Merry Christmas to you too.
you know who you are.

Mitch Hedberg?

I'm at the Pharmacy
sorting through the records
Tony the owner
has not heard of CDs
apparently

trying to find something tolerable
to listen to
thats not Polka music

because thats the majority of the choices
Polka
He has the largest collection
of Polka records
on this planet
I really think so
we're talking Guiness here.

so I found a few Christmas records
and I thought to myself
"What the hell, you're festive."
so I chose Julie Andrews
with the Andre Previn orchestra.
I put it on

except that it wasn't Julie Andrews
someone put the wrong record
into the cover

instead I was treated to
Mitch Hedberg and the Polka Pioneers
Sing-A-Long Christmas Polkas

WHAT????

Where's Julie Andrews?
Someone lost Julie Andrews!!!

Matinee

NYC Transit is on strike
but that didn't stop me

caught a matinee of the Producers
loved it
4 years since I first saw it
thought I wouldn't laugh

I was wrong
I remembered why I so love Mel Brooks

NYC was not as mad
as I thought it would be
not hard to get around
and for a strike -
lots of parking
and no traffic

hmmmm.

In Bergdorf Goodman today
smelled lots of perfume
very tempting

Obnoxious employees though
not generous with the perfume samples
well fuck 'em
won't get my business then

I really hate this holiday
I don't know if I've said that before

it really is a wretched holiday
I hate shopping for people
and I don't even care about getting gifts either

I feel like saying to everyone
"For Christmas, why don't we just overlook each other
and instead, I'll go buy myself something from you."

It would be a lot easier.

Medicine Shoppe tomorrow
goodnight.

countdown to 100

I'm slathered in Shea Butter
pickling myself in moisture
and smoothness

tomorrow I must be productive
but I also must sleep in, Ok?

this room is a mess
a trap of laundry
and design magazines

the remains of the move

Once Upon A Mattress
with Carol Burnett
and Matthew Morrison
I TiVoed it
it was ok

Bob Mackie did Carol's costumes
I could tell from the start

the other costumes sucked
and the design was awful
and the direction worse

viva la Bob Mackie

this movie
what timing, huh?

I'm nearing my 100th post
how to commemorate?
a montage of my best posts?
a champagne luncheon?
matchbooks with my name on them?
a Bingo party?

talisman

the jade
returns to my neck

and Lakshmi
to my pocket

neither one
born from my culture

but both given to me
by others

I removed the jade
when I left you

the fabled fortune
it did not bring forth

in my thoughts
of course you often appear

void of sorrow
and regret

but maybe one day
in due time

meeting you
again

how could I not
be apprehensible

I lack the strength
that you need

when the situation
you try to avoid

erupts and surfaces
I would crack

there it is
admittance

is this healthy
is it, really?

what do these words
bring you?

each time you visit
does it affect you differently?

no, do it often
or not at all

it's up to you
but stop if it hurts.

eventually
I will stop this

not the thoughts
but the log.

Souvenir

it's past 2am
Sunday morning

just home from New York

Judy Kaye
in
Souvenir

is the funniest thing
I have ever seen in my life.

IN
MY
LIFE.

ok, not to be a hypochondriac
but I can't move my neck
it snapped on me today
somewhere in ACT II
of Eugene O'Neill's
A Touch of the Poet

which should be renamed
A Touch of the Long-Winded.

so I need drugs stat and a bed

have I mentioned before
that Matt is a nice boy?
he's a very nice boy.

where is this going?

goodnight.

home

Christmas vacation
thank god.

I woke up at 3pm today
I guess I had a lot to recoup

I'm going to NYC tomorrow
theatre tickets
shopping
with Dawn

today I'm unpacking
and washing clothes

driving home last night
took 5 hours
I had to go 15mph
halfway through
I made an Arby's pitstop

my favorite place
Arby's

I honestly forgot about the cd.
I'll get it to you.
somehow.
glad you made it through.
you're strong.
don't let the painkillers wear off.

the storm before the calm

so much to do
so little time to do it

it'll get done...
won't it?

I had 2 enormous fights
in the lobby of my building
with the security guard
who's incompetent
and keeps asking me if I live there

I'm not nice anymore
it's not funny anymore
now it's harassment
and I'm reporting his ass

Matt is a nice boy.

I'm procrastnating again
I have a presentation in a half an hour
maybe I should start preparing

I need hypnosis
to end my procrastination.

Ice Storm tomorrow
hinderance
I'm driving home tomorrow

This week has been important
I'm pretty sure
I've put 2 major things behind me
and I am content
very content

But...

Surgery huh?
if you're reading this
I'm sorry you have to have surgery
It upsets me greatly
and I want to say
"Use my shoulder."
But I can't, you see.
maybe its not really for the better
like I said it was...
but I really think it is -
distance.

2am is not a good bedtime
for me
I can't make it a habit
I can't function

But...

It was worth it.
The feeling now is just plain happy
content
nothing more or less

but am I ready?
and do I want it?
ok... but do I need it?

a night out

Me and Alison, all glammed up riding the parking garage elevator after Beauty and the Beast at the Walnut Street Theatre.


Nicole and I in her car after Beauty and the Beast.

Cold Mountain

it's around 7am
Dawn's new Volvo got stuck in the snow
in the middle of the road

she woke me up
and I pushed her out
and then made that flex pose
that body builders make
to further illustrate
my masculinity.

bite your tongue.

we are completely snowed in
and our roads were not plowed
which is RARE.
where the hell is Penndot?
I have a foot of snow here.
On my mountain.

now I'm soaked
and freezing
trying to get back to sleep
watching Saved by the Bell
the College Years

brings back a lot of memories
I practically have them memorized.

I never realized before
but the laugh tracks are really annoying
every joke and the same laugh comes on

I still have a crush
on Mark Paul Gosselar

crestfallen snow

the word crestfallen
I looked it up in the dictionary
before I made it the title
because I really was not sure
of its meaning

it means dejected or rejected.

christ.

...and the world comes full circle
conjuring it all back again.

we both have snow on our minds

it is beautiful isn't it?

I hope Philadelphia got some
and Pittsburgh too
for I wouldn't want my dearest readers
to not have experienced the beauty
that we are discussing.

look out your windows
take in it's beauty
before it melts
because beauty
always melts.

walking on the railings of bridges

the ability to maintain balance
yet
the possibility of total destruction

seems interesting to me.

and lately a nice idea.

Oh but don't worry about little old Marky

boy have people been interested in me lately
one half crazy blog entry
and people are asking
if they should send fruit baskets

no, you should not send fruit baskets
when money will work just as well

need my address??

I'm up sort of late
but not as late as I could be
I'm trying to make sense
of these new Old Navy Commercials.

BBC America
has a new series called Mile High
and wow! I have never seen nudity
on a tv station that is not
HBO, MAX, SHO, or the Playboy Channel

but I'm watchin it now
and the tits are saluting me

seems a waste, really.

but the show is fantastic!
sex sex sex
all between airline personnel.

now I just started watching this show

but what I'm waiting for
and I have half a mind to write the BBC
is for an episode
with homosexual sex
on a beverage cart
while the plane is experiencing turbulence
and the cart keeps going up the aisle
and down the aisle
as the plane goes up and down

well we already have tits
I think this is the next step, isn't it?
it's not like it's Heterosexual sex
which is clearly illegal

and for good reason!

ah, the friendly skies
sans buttfucking

its a good show!

today I did nothing
it's not like I had nothing to do

on the contrary
I have crock shits of stuff to do!
oh well.

ok, commercial break is over
the plane just took off before the break
It should be almost time for complimetary drinks
bring on the men!

a very very very fine house

I found my house! 5th and Pine, Old City Philadelphia. It's Architectural Perfection!
I was half expecting a ghost to appear in the window once this came back because the house is so old! I love a house with a past!

and...


a little greenhouse!!! too bad I kill plants.

Thrylling!

design for "Grease", Northwest High School Spring 2005. Hmm...who could that handsome devil be on that billboard?

Zen and the Art of Xanax

so I would probably be venting
and bitching now
if I didn't take so much Xanax

but as it turns out,
I'm feeling just fine.

Really - JUST FINE.

Actually, I'm really not feeling
much of anything right now.

I spent my morning in a hospital.
take that as you want it.
really not up for clarity today.

Really though - JUST FINE.

My Wednesday night
felt like
Harold and Kumar go to White Trash
my voicemail nearly became
invitation only
all the night needed was a midget Elvis impersonator
and it would have been a dead ringer
for a giant LSD halucination

it's all a blur now
it's just that I can re-live it
if I listen to my saved messages

and then I'm transported back to Graceland

Now, in this halucination
I'm portrayed by Orlando Bloom
I'm wearing something similar
to what he wore in Kingdom of Heaven
sort of a Marrakech meets Yohji Yamamoto
with a satin sash come-I-don't-know-what

all I know is I look fabulous

there is a lot of smoke
but it's lime green
and it shimmers
everytime someone lights up

it's fascinating

all around me are my friends
played by Old Hollywood celebrities
Mae West is there
Marlene Dietrich
Bette Boop too!

I, rather, Orlando as me
thinks to him/myself
"Gee, who could Bette Boop be playing?"

I/we/he settles on Lauren
it's the tits.
and onward we go.

speaking of tits
drugs are everywhere!
but they're not your normal drugs

the cocaine is metallic gold
it adds an air of Steve Rubell to the dream
a throwback to Studio 54

even the brownies are metallic
Dionne Warwick is there.

this trip is void of sound
no thumpa-thumpa

the mirror ball keeps catching Orlando's cheekbones
perfection
thats why hes portraying me
that, and they don't have to hire a butt-double
because Orlando has agreed to bare his bottom
exclusively for my hallucination

and ONLY for my hallucination

I wish you could see it

but you can't.

otherwise it wouldn't be my hallucination,
now would it?